When my family first started praying Amma or how they got involved with Adhiparasakthi I wouldn’t know. I was too busy indulging in teenage mischief and had minimal communication with my family. I was aware though that my family attended Adhiparasakthi weekly prayers. They were reluctant to ask me to come along as I was a menace to our family and I was hesitant to go with them and cause them disrepute. One may wonder why this is so. Portraying my life at that point in time would draw a vivid picture of the whole situation.
Once I completed my higher education I thought the world was an oyster. Little did I know that the world is a dangerous place and parents are there to guide you in the right path. I was living my life ignorantly, reveling in worldly pleasures. I was trying to fit within the customs of the Western society. In doing so I started going out late at nights with “friends”, started working at a night club and almost always did not listen to my parents’ advice. It is common for youngsters at that age to behave in this way but I believe I went way beyond the threshold and caused enormous disrepute and grievance to my family and relatives. I might be harsh on myself by saying the above but I would rather take responsibility for my actions and learn from life’s lessons rather than living in denial.
There comes a point in every youngster’s life where they get over the petty little things and want to change their life for the better. But not all find this transition a smooth one. Most find it hard if not impossible without a good support network. Some make it through, though the reality is that most people perish in this battle. Today’s predominantly atheist society further creates an environment for the youths to go in the wrong direction. I was never an ardent devotee but I did believe there was a god. Although, I was alienating myself from the spiritual world as worldly pleasures were veiling my eyes. When my parents used to talk about Bangaaru Adigalaar at home I used to mock Amma by saying “Bangaaru or Kangaroo?” The almighty did not punish me – instead she accepted me as her child and made me realise my mistakes (4 years later an Amma’s devotee told me that when a person mocks or makes fun of Amma it only implies that the time has come for this person to become a devotee of Amma AND/OR Amma to accept this person as her child).
Amma, as most of her devotees would know, comes in ones dreams to answer their prayers or communicate a message. It was the year 2002. My mother was leaving to Maruvathoor the following day. I went to bed with no thought of Bangaru Adigalar in my mind. But it was all about to change when I woke up. AMMA APPEARED IN MY DREAMS. In that dream, I was in a queue waiting to get Adigalar’s blessings. But she was sitting down in a meditating stance and blessing everyone with her right hand. I had no doubt that she would not even look at me nor bless me. So I just passed her like everyone else. Then my first miracle with Amma occurred! While I was about to leave the place from her sight she turned towards my side, opened her eyes and smiled at me whilst signaling her blessings with her hand. This, I firmly believe was the day Amma accepted me as one of her children. I woke up (the day my mother was flying to India) and told my mother about the dream. I was convinced to an extent that I was not all that bad of a soul after all and I too have a place in Amma’s arms.
Understanding Bangaru Adigalar and having full faith in him is not attained overnight. A plethora of questions need to be answered.